♥ A Fragile Introspection ♥

I ♥ my husband

So I'm officially married, Mrs Clinch. wooo wooo.
Wedding was fantastic, it was amazing and special with all our closest friends and family. Our 2 week honeymoon was awesome and we came back yesterday. More updating and stories later when we actually get home. we're spending a night at ad's parents to chill. sneak peeks





and eating our cake of the wharf after the boat reception,. lmao.

Man so I have some kind of stomach illness... last night I threw up 2 separate times while in a restaurant with friends. I had water, soft drink, and 2 pieces of cucumber because that's all I could touch.
This afternoon I've had a slice of toast and water.

Feeling so gross. Just thinking of food makes me sick. and a week before the wedding!
I have no idea what's causing it. i've had a strange tummy for 5 days now where i lost my appetite, diarrhea etc. (TMI)

let's hope it gets better

Arggh adam is annoying me since.. last night. He can be so relentless at times... and he gets it directly from his family. The 'Clinch' trait as I like to call it.
Seriously. omg.
annoyance factor = high at the moment. Now i have to work on releasing that annoyance and getting back to enjoying my day. of course for me that's always a challenge as i find any emotion i have hard to shake.

lol a LJ rant about a man. funny

*palm to forehead action*

got my wisdom teeth out yesterday. All done, over with, woo hoo. here are some memories..




classy, i know.

And here's my hens outfit i bought for the 5th Sept.
( clicky )

Also adam & I celebrated 6yrs of being together yesterday. Wasn't much of a celebration, due to the teeth, but yay how nice.

Sometimes I feel like I accept myself, then I wake up to the realisation that I don't.
My work everyday for the next 10 years will be to develop more self confidence, and realise I'm OK the way I am.
I'm such a people pleaser I need to wake up and smell the roses... sometimes it's OK to please myself, or put myself first, and realise that things I have to say are important too.
It's better to be genuinely me than to be nice at all costs (i have the ability to go overboard sometimes).

man this is gonna take a lot of effort

damn my highly sensitive & perfectionist personality, and damn holding back from everything and everyone all the time.

Sooo what's been happening?

I saw Dr Phil last night at the Acer Arena. Everyone I know thinks it's the saddest most lame thing ever but I'm not ashamed to say I love what he does. It was pretty awesome.. Adam didn't like it at all but came just for me. ha what love.

I've been going out a lot and eating out a lot... maybe I should stop doing that. I feel like I'm constantly eating junk food. whoops. And right now's not the best time to be fattening up.

I've paid off my wedding dress, and have my last fitting in 2 weeks where I can pick it up. thank goodness that's out of the way.

I'll have all 4 wisdom teeth taken out on the 19th August, so I hope I recover well from that, because so much stuff is following on from that, things to do, etc. I'm dreading the blood and gauze for a week. I don't mind the pain, but the blood and not eating makes me want spew just thinking about it. Not to mention the swelling of the jaw.

I'm still working in child care and liking it a lot. It's definitely much much much better than an office job. But I still feel like the only thing missing in my life is a career I feel passionate about. I want to be a counsellor, however same old story, I don't believe in myself enough to pursue it, which is so sad. I don't know when I'll actually give it a go.
I think it affects me much more than I realise or let on, because when I do actually stop to think about it it has the ability to make me feel quite down... And when I watch the rare documentary of people doing exactly what I want to do, I just burst into tears because I can feel their passion and determination to help other people just as I would love to.
I feel I know exactly why I'm here on this earth but don't even have enough courage to give it a go in regards to a career. Lame? Hell yes. You'd think if I had the passion that I'd be well into it by now, but no.

Anyway i can't wait until I go on holiday at the end of September.. bring it on. I need some R&R and a fresh start.

I have the flu. my body is aching ugh
august 19th i'll spend a few hours in hospital getting all my wisdom teeth out. hooray, not. luckily i'll be dosed up on drugs to take the pain away. nice way to spend our 6yr anniversary.. couldn't think of anything worse!
oh and the warmer weather that we had yesterda is long gone.... it's not back to 'freezing cold' temperatures.
time for some cold & flu tablets i think.

I so badly want to go on our honeymoon already. I just want to go on holiday and not have to think of anything, then come back refreshed.
I also want Summer back. Or at least Spring. it's freezing here, I can never just sit outside because it feels like I'm in the snow :\ Lovely day, sun is shining, but cold weather.

Argggh bring on September and October!

Wow where does the time go? One minute it's May and the next it's July.
I don't really have much to say... I have a million zillion thoughts in my head at any one moment but yet when it comes to LJ I draw a blank and just leave it sitting there. Maybe because it's all just chaos in my mind and nothing really important, like this entry.
I think I use facebook more than this these days, maybe that's why. Anyhoo as I said in my previous entry - I'm a busy bee, well that still stands.

Life is so fast paced and so complex, I shouldn't really feel bored with life should I? But sometimes I still feel like running off to the mountains and becoming a monk. The daily grind is so... mundane, even with exciting things happening.

been sooo busy lately. I don't really find much time to myself these days. And when I do.. I always feel like I should be doing something else & not being lazy. hm, weird.

Between work, studying, going away with friends, pre-marriage counselling sessions, parties, birthdays, organising our wedding.. it can get a bit much, but I guess it keeps me busy which is good too.
2009 has definitely been a good year so far, and will probably last right through until the end. Judging by how previous years have gone though, that may mean that 2010 is going to be much crappier, haha. meh

I haven't had much time to stop and reflect in my LJ as i used to.. so I'll just say that- sometimes I still feel like I'm 18, and other times I suppose I do feel my age, or maybe a little older. My life is pretty much where I want to be right now, minus my career. It's nice having a change at the moment, but I'm still not convinced this is my 'passion'. I'd love to find out what I'm actually here for... so frustrating. it gives me a 'lost' feeling. Like everything's on track except for knowing what I actually want to do.

anyhoo time to spend some time outside in the sun.. not that there's much of it to go around.. it's freezing.

I'm tired of being overly understanding. I'm tired or being overly tolerant. I'm tired of being too considerate. I'm tired of trying to teach people common sense, kindness, courtesy, empathy and compassion.
My God It is NOT that difficult.
If you KNOW something will hurt or upset another person - DON'T FUCKING DO IT.
What is so hard to understand about that????????????????
If you WANT to recieve love and happiness, then GIVE exactly that.

It's not rocket science. Honestly.

day 1, long day care.
tired, sore back.. but not as exhausted as i thought I'd be. pretty tiresome. i still don't know if it's what i want to do with my life... a bit undecided :\ it's good, but not amazing.
Definitely more satisfying than a 9-5 office job though, that's for damn sure. So I'd rather be exhausted from this, than staring at a computer screen.

I have this stupid head cold that won't go away. It's not the flu, because it's not that bad yet.. but it's just sitting there for days now. Constant headache, dizzy, lethargic, blocked nose, runny nose, sore throat.. yada yada :( And It's only Autumn.. not even winter yet. I have no idea how I caught this virus.

Had to go fill in some forms for working at a pre school today. but ended up staying there for 3 hours seeing how the place was run, etc. My gosh, working in child care requires relentless focus. unlike other jobs, your mind does not wander. you don't think of anything else or even have time to ,for that matter. it's just constant activities, and watching the kids like a hawk. I'm ashamed to say it but i'm exhausted after 3 hours... although that may have to do something with my cold.

I don't think it's for me anymore.. but i'll finish this child psychology course and take up studying something else afterwards.

So excited.. 6 months to go! I want everything to be over so I can go travel, ha. But I'm looking forward to getting married now. As it gets closer, the more it hits home.
We also have an engagement shoot on April 4th.. so that should be fun.

bought the ribbon today. I think I may need more though...





still need to make all the labels for them too, and think of a 'bubble' poem.

So we've nailed a ceremony venue! About bloody time...
St Peter's church in Watson's Bay.

We're meeting with the reverend next Sunday to discuss everything. I was almost about to give up, and have a garden ceremony somewhere... I would have loved that too, but would have required more work (chairs, decorations, extra cost, finding a celebrant, and the risk of rain.. which is a worry). So I'm pleased it's slightly easier.




on another note, Adam joined facebook, after refusing to for so many years. Bwahah.now he'll get stuck, because in the first hour he was already bombarded with friend requests. wasn't expecting that.

WellI washed my hair today. I air dryed it for a short while, but cause it's so cold and rainy today I just resorted to blow drying it. It took all of about 5 mins though, instead of the usual 20 mins. And it's super soft and straight.
I didn't have to do anything else. Normally my routine would be like:

Wash with shampoo, conditioner, air dry, blow dry for 20 mins, put product in/serum/sprays. Iron straight for 30+mins in little sections. Add more serums or non frizz stuff. Get hot & sweaty. = 1 full hour.

Now it's:
Wash with shampoo, condition, blow dry for 5 mins. done.
(Ta daaa, I can walk out the door with my soft, non frizz straight hair)


It's definitely a time saver.

Okie dokie, pics for those wanting evidence. I don't have a good before shot of it, as I never had a chance to take one. And the only 2 super old "back of hair" photos from like 2004 I must have deleted a while ago :( (but i'm sure you all have some idea of how my hair used to look, bleh)

( Pictures )

Basically my hair was long, thick, naturally wavy, frizzy and boofy, and sometimes even curly - especially after i washed it. The ends were always ratty & wavy... even when I did straighten it with the GHD it never turned out well.
The process took 4 hours and cost $400 (my length was below bra strap). It'll apparently last until the hair all grows out. I'll update on how it goes over the next few weeks, and what happens after washing it etc.

Happy birthday to me, for yesterday! I'm now 24.
had a pretty boring day as I've just finished up work and basically stayed home watching episodes of Dr Phil and crap. In the evening though, lots of phone calls, and a visit from my parents + pressies. Adam and I then went out for dinner (Sushi) and went to watch The Curious Case of Benjamin Button... which was a pretty nice, cute movie.
Got home, went straight to bed at that point.. well almost straight to bed, you know what I mean ;) ha.

Today I'm off to the Hair Salon for straightening (6hrs stuck in a chair). Trust the weather to be as GLOOMY as it possibly can be, and super wet outside :( I hope it doesn't fck up my hair. I have an umbrella to go from the salon to the car though.. so hopefully it won't get moisture in it once it's all done.
After that, I'll basically be a hermit for a few days until Sunday when I go out with my friends for dinner and bowling.

Gosh it's the middle of Summer and it feels like it's Winter :(